Tag Archives: marriage

When is a boy a man: Part 3

The first two posts on defining the qualities of a man can be found at these links:

1.  Accept RESPONSIBILITY for a Will to Obey

2. Accept RESPONSIBILITY for a Work to Do

Today’s post covers quality three of six.

Accept RESPONSIBILITY for a Woman to Love

MOM

Each of us have one thing in common in this world.  We each had a mom.  A woman who carried us for around nine months before we were born.  Through the process of caring for us when we had no way to do so, our mothers displayed an unconditional love for us.

No matter if we were calm or kicked a lot, she ate and slept for both of us.  Then we were born.

Most of us have a mom that also cared for us and loved us after we were born.  Here again she loved us no matter what we did because we came from her.  We are her flesh and blood!

I think we should always treat our mothers with respect.  I never want to embarrass or bring disgrace to my mom.  I never wanted to disappoint her either.  I know sometimes I did, and I always felt bad about it.

WIFE

Genesis 2:18-25

For unmarried young men I want that you and your potential wife (girlfriend) should not be unequally yoked.  Meaning it is best that a Christian date and marry another Christian.  There is a lot to be said about why, but let’s just leave it at that right now.

Your wife (or wife to be) should be an extension of how you treat your mother.  Treat your wife will only follow the patterns you established with your mother (respect, admiration, care and love).

The good part about what is different with a wife and a mother is the fact that the intimate relationship can now be sexual within the covenant of a marriage.  Yes, once we are married to our wife the pleasures God intended between a man and woman can be fully explored.  And those pleasures are wonderful – within a marriage of a man and a woman.

You should also be ready to change with her during the different seasons of life.  We will all grow older if we do not die first, so if we are still living we will grow old with our wife.  There will be seasons where things are going good and seasons when things are tough – and they may not balance out.  But you both will change as you grow older.  Just be ready for those changes and find new ways to love her.

A man should remember what he promised on his wedding day.

To Have and to Hold

For Better or for Worse

Whether Richer or Poorer

In Sickness and in Health

To Love and to Cherish

from that day forward until death does part you

 

 

 

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Good to Great: look #2 into John Grigsby

Good  ————— > Great

This is look #2 into some of the things that make me who I am.  I want to live a life that is not just good but great.  It is a continuation from Look #1 post.John BlueLighthouse

I list here a few more events and seasons that I feel have shaped me wanting my life to be counted as more than just good:

Church – I have held a few positions in the church since I married and started settling down.  I have been among other things a youth leader, Sunday School teacher and now a Sunday School director.  Here again I found myself seeking out what a great leader in those positions looked like, and try to be even better.

Of course for church (and really everything I do) I have someone I really do want to impress, and that is my Lord and Savior – Jesus Christ.  I really do want to do my very best because of what He has done for me and who He is to me.  Jesus set a perfect example of how to be a great leader.  I cannot be perfect like Him, but my goals are to be more like Jesus every day.  And if I can just get closer each and every day then I feel I am trying to be great!

Husband – Knowing what an idea husband looks like seems to be a bit more subjective.  I know what my father looked like as a husband – at least from the eyes of a child.  I had friends who had good dads, but I only saw those men as a friend of their child.  I have seen movies and TV shows that portrayed a husband, but those were only made for viewing entertainment.   So where on earth could I find what a great husband should look like?  I found the answer in my Bible.

The Bible clearly says that a man should love his wife as Christ loved the church and love her as he loves himself. (Ephesians 5:25-33)  This is a serving sacrificial kind of love where you put your spouse before yourself.  If you really understand that concept, then you know that I have struggled with meeting that expectation.  In the early part of our marriage I really labored with putting her needs ahead of mine.  As I learn more about Jesus, I am learning better how to love her – but still fall short.  I have made a lot of selfish mistakes, and at times have not treated her like I should have.  I am so thankful for her patience and forgiveness.

As a husband I should strive to be a great helper, encourager, lover (physically and sacrificially), leader, listener, provider, fixer, and faithful visionary.

The first example of a husband I knew in my life was of course my dad.  Dad has shown devotion and love to my mom by giving of himself to her.  He doesn’t want to go to some of the places she wants to go and see sometimes, but he goes because he loves her.  I have seen them argue and disagree before, but dad has set a great example for me by keeping his vows to my humble mom for close to 50 years now.

Archie Johnson taught me through his actions how to be a humble husband and father.  He allowed me to go on vacations with their family growing up, and he always treated me just like I was one of his own.

Dad – I love our children so much and I really wanted to be the best dad to them that walked the earth!  However; I know I have fell short many times.  I have fed my personal wants and desires over theirs at times.  I have let my anger take control of my mouth and actions at times.  But I really do want to be the best dad I can possibly be.

A great dad I think provides guidance, discipline, encouragement, is a helper, a listener, a teacher and an example.  I have wanted them to see me committed to being a great example for them.  They were able to see me graduate from college at the age of 31.  They have seen me win awards from work.  They have seen me have fun on vacations and while coaching ball teams.  They have seen me serve as a leader in our church and at school.   I really have tried to live my life as a great example for them.

A few years ago I expressed my desire for our family be known as giving, loving, passionate Christian family.  We even created a family crest to visualize these characteristics.  If we are known by these qualities, then I feel I have been successful as a dad.

There is none like You, O Lord ;  You are great, and great is Your name in might.  Jeremiah 10:6

Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater  works  than these he will do; because I go to the Father.  John 14:12

How to find a “10” for a wife: 10 qualities of a good potential wife

I had the opportunity to talk about dating and potential wives with my son and a man I consider a real good friend last week.  In preparation to talk with them I determined a list of qualities to look for in a potential wife.  We agreed this is a pretty good list of qualities a man should look for in a potential wife.

I believe if the girl you are dating and intend to marry encompasses these qualities, then you are on the right track.

Wedding band

1.  She shares your beliefs

She should understand the Biblical role of a husband and a wife and be willing to fulfill.

Your potential wife should have the same beliefs you have. Now, you may think you can do some missionary dating, and turn that situation around so she will believe everything you do.  You’re probably going to be very disappointed with some bad side effects.  You need to understand your core beliefs first, then be sure she shares them with you.  If you don’t have the same core beliefs….you will be unequally yoked – not a good scenario for either person.

2.  She loves you unconditionally

If she’s trying to change you to be another person, it’s time to move on. Your future wife should love you just as you are. There are certain core characteristics that must be avoided, and you should identify those before you become too involved in a relationship.

3.  She is trustworthy

Can you trust her with her time, money, secrets, and most importantly – your heart.

If you have trust issues in your relationship then I feel you are not ready to move forward with any commitment.  Trust can be destroyed and built back, but you both should be in agreement with how trustworthy you feel with each other.  Also, once trust has been broken it takes a long time to restore.  You may trust each other, but in the back of the mind the offense will linger.

4.  She has ambition

Does she set goals?  Does she work hard?

She should have strength in character and carry herself with confidence. She should be a hard worker just like you. That doesn’t mean having a job is a requirement. I know women who are a stay-at-home wife with kids, and they work just as hard as some people with careers.

5.  She is selfless

She should have a servant heart and giving of her time, talents and treasures

She should care about others. Look at the way she treats her family and her friends. If she’s not close with her family, and doesn’t have any good friends, that’s not a good sign. Watch how they treat a waiter/waitress – that tells you a lot about how somebody treats people down deep in their heart.  Does she care about causes? Does she volunteer? Does she give change to the needy or buy them a meal? These are important characteristics to consider.

6.  She is attractive

In your eyes, she should be downright attractive – I mean put together!   Personality plays into attractiveness as well. Just remember, “charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting.”  She should be beautiful down to her soul because that kind of beauty lasts forever.  Physical beauty will change with time.

7.  She is wise

Wisdom means to have good knowledge, and then to know what to do with it.

She should be wise, smart, and give you good advice. Her woman’s intuition should be strong. I look to my wife all the time for advice. She is financially smarter than me, and helps guide me where I am weak.

8.  She makes you a better man

Your potential wife should elevate you to new heights. She should inspire you to make yourself better so you can serve her.  You can get a good idea from your friends and family. What do they say about you when you are around her?

9.  She is modest

She should be modest in her dress, conduct and words.  I don’t want my wife advertising what others can’t buy.  It is good for a woman to believe her private body parts are to be seen only by her husband.

10.  She gets along with your family and friends

She shouldn’t be critical of the people who you love and have been trusted by you.  She should be a good fit with the people in your life, and approved by your family – mostly your mom and dad.  Marriage is a joining of two totally different lives that existed prior to your meeting, but will become one after you two join them.

Reference:
Joshua 24:15
Proverbs 12:4
Proverbs 31
Ephesians 5:22-28
 

I would be interested in hearing if you agree or have different ideas.  Shoot them to me if you please to john@johndgrigsby.com.